The Whimsical Musings of the Great Hoo Hoo

. . . here begins a record of my whimsical musings that I’ve gathered throughout my life of 49 (soon to be 50 on May 29th) years. Thank you sissy for sharing this journey with me. ♥

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Yeah, sure . . . I’ll admit that I can swing either way.  There have been glimpses of wisdom that I have shared with those I hold close & then there have been those moments where something spew forths from my mouth much like the lava flow coming from an erupting volcana which causes others to look at one another – one eyebrow raised – questioning my sanity.  Hey, I’m a package deal made up from the good, the bad & the ugly.  Love me as I AM please.

 

 

I made an appointment a month ago with my favorite hair salon – Hair Plus – for a consult on what to do with my ever frustrating mop.  I told the stylist, Sheila, that I was about to turn 50, I wanted something new/different/stylish/easy to manage and my hair had become anything but!  I told her once a year when I get my income tax check back, I have a spiral perm put in and then a few months later I have it colored & highlighted.  I had so much damaged hair that I was entertaining thoughts of shaving it all off.  I then asked her to take a real, close look at my hair & share with me suggestions on the steps I needed to take.  It took about 30 minutes, but we can up with a game plan that we both agreed on & I scheduled an appointment for a week later.

 

 

On the day of the appointment, I walked in feeling slightly nervous but mostly excited about “the new me” that this brave lady was about to undertake.  No pressure here.  For my peace of mind, I asked her to go over the game plan AGAIN with me… wanting to make sure we were both on the same page. To my relief, we were.  And so I took off my glasses & laid them on her work station, giving over total control,  trusting that she would work nothing short of a miracle.

 

 

First we shampoo’d & deep conditioned then I needed to sit under the hair dryer for a little while cause you can’t apply dye to wet hair.  While sitting there squinting at a magazine up close ( I cannot see anything without my glasses ) the desk receptionist walked over to me & was playing with the dried out, frayed ends of my hair & cracked a joke about it.  I didn’t think it was very funny, even if I did agree with her opinion.  Soon Sheila came over to lead me back to her work station to begin coloring my hair. We choose a warmer brown then I usually wear adding some red to it because it seemed like fun!  When my hair was covered she led me over to the dryer again to wait out the 25 minutes for the color to take.

 

25 minutes later it was back to the wash bowl to rinse, shampoo & rinse again then back to the dryer. A little while later she led me back to the work station where she began to add the highlights, layer by painful layer ( my hair was extremely long, curly & ultra thick – I can see all the stylists cringing whenever I walk in to make an appointment to have anything done to my hair ) all the while exchanging pleasant chit chat…’how’s your family? great, how is yours? wonderful, so & so is just learning to drive, how scarey is that!?! oh you don’t need to tell me, I think I started having heart problems when my middle child was learning to drive’…. and before you knew it, it was time to sit under the dryer again allowing the highlights to set in.  A short while later it was time to rinse & shampoo again & then back to the station for the “big cut!”

 

I felt a little shakey inside, having had long hair for many years, would I like it shorter?  I shared my fears with Sheila & she said she would start out slow, only cutting off a little at a time & I could inspect it & decide if I wanted more taken off.  I thought to myself…‘this is silly! it’s ONLY hair. it will grow back no matter how short it ends up.  quit being a baby & GO FOR IT!’ and so I said to her, no – that’s ok, cut ALL the dead, damaged hair off & whatever happens happens.  Then I closed my eyes, feeling the pull of the comb as it stuggled through the masses of curly, thick brush and I heard the gentle snip of the scissors.  Over & over again.  To take my mind off of what was happening I started up our conversation again and she asked me if I had any new plans for my 50th year… any changes I wanted to make, places I wanted to see, etc… and so we light heartedly bantered away for awhile.

  

I then turned the topic to wanting to set up appointments for me and my two daughters to have a ‘girls day’ of pedicures & manicures & asked her to remind me to purchase gift certificates when we were done.  She thought it was a lovely idea of getting together with my daughters for a spa day!  The desk receptionist walked over & was leaning up against the wall adding to this discussion when I mentioned that I was thinking about getting my eyebrows waxed.  I told Sheila that I had never had it done before but it seemed that whenever I plucked I always ended up with uneven eyebrows & I didn’t like that they weren’t symmetrical.  The receptionist casually said…‘well, back when I was in beauty school our instructor had something very important to say that I have never forgotten…’  My stylist & I stopped talking in mid-sentence & our eyes locked  in the reflection of the mirror.  I imagined we were both thinking the same thing at that moment… that whatever the receptionist was about to tell us would be wise beyond wonders and we would question how we ever made it through life this far without know this!  We both leaned in a little closer so we wouldn’t miss a word she said & I swear you could have heard a pin drop when she continued…

 

‘ My instructor said that your eyebrows are not twin sisters but more like siblings.  They will never be identical nor should you attempt to make them look that way.  They are meant to be individual, unique brows. ‘  The phone suddenly rang, jarring us out of our mystical reverie & the receptionist headed back to her desk. I leaned back into my chair while Sheila put the finishing touches on my new hairdo & then I put my glasses on.  ‘HOLY MOTHER OF GOD’… I thought.  This is absolutely amazing! I looked beautiful.  Look at all those curls & waves… the color is superb! the highlights perfect!  I was more than satisfied… I was born again!

 

I walked out of Hair Plus feeling like a million bucks!  Not only did I look better & feel better, but I was carrying with me words of wisdom about my brows that I would not soon forget.  Life is good!

 

 

*And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.*  –Anais Nin

 

 

I dreaded going.

 

 

 

So much, that my body felt laden with heavy, emotional weights.

 

Then my mind began whirling with the 101 excuses on why I shouldn’t go.  She was a friendly acquaintance, not family or a close friend; it would be an invasion of a very private moment that should be shared with her loved ones.  And finally, would anybody really notice that I didn’t attend?  But then my better half – the part that thinks with her heart and not her head – said I’m going.  I’m going to be there for those who are hurting deeply.  Who need a loving heart to embrace them.  And so I went.

 

The memorial service for Deb was being held in a room at the local middle school in order to hold the masses that would come to honor her…  so many lives she had touched with her loving ways.  Including mine.  When we would meet by chance, we’d stop whatever we were in the middle of & open our hearts to share of the strong bond we had in common – the love of our children.  One of her sons - her youngest – is actually how the two of us had met to begin with.  Josh was 16 when he first came to work at the grocery store where I was.  It wasn’t long before he weaved his way in, around and through my heart as if he were one of my own. I loved him dearly and he kept in touch now & then after he went away to college… to work… to life.  And each time he would come home for a visit with his parents, who lived 6 houses up the road from me, he would greet me with the biggest bear hug and the words…”Hi beautiful!”  Imagine that… he thinks I’m beautiful.

 

And in between his visits home, his Mom and I would chat non-stop about the latest adventure he was on… his trip to Africa during college break to help teach English to the children; his trip to New Orleans to help those whose lives were torn apart after Hurricane Katrina wreaked havoc on them and how he adopted one of the lost puppies from that storm and named him “Hurricane”;  how he was moving from the east coast to the west coast – farther away from where we all lived, in this tiny little community – village actually – where most all knew each other.

 

I remember this one day Deb came into the grocery store to do some shopping and when I spotted her, I walked away from my register to talk with her awhile.  She shared the news that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer.  She said it so matter-of-factly, I saw no tears… heard no tremble in her voice…. as if she had already come to terms with “what is” and now realized the battle set before her.  I felt strength & confidence radiating from her spirit.  She even made me laugh about something - can’t remember what it was.  Such poise… such grace.  I admired her determination and focus.  I hugged her hard hoping to transfer some of the love I was feeling for her – to her.  She was going to need all the support she could get.

 

Then came the announcement that she had beat that devil and she was cancer free!  I could have danced a happy jig when she told me, such joy I felt at the news of her recovery.  For the next year we continued on much the same as we use to… questions about how she felt, how were the kids, etc…  it was so nice to see her beaming smile every time she walked into the store and how she lit up the space surrounding her.  But it wasn’t long before I heard through the people in our community that her cancer had returned.  I had heard that she had said she wanted 24 hours to cry and then she would be ready to fight this dis-ease again.  That’s all? 24 hours to grieve… to rant… to rave?  How self-less this woman was!  I can’t say that I would have limited myself to a mere 24 hours!

 

Her husband Rick owns the local barber shop and had cut my sons hair through most of his childhood.  Whenever we’d come into the shop we were always greeted in a friendly Mayberry kind of way and while he cut my son’s hair in the latest fashion of the time, we’d catch up on the local happenings.  Of course there came a time when my son graduated and moved out on his own and it no longer was convenient for Rick to cut his hair.  Sadly, it was the end of our visits too. Though on occasion if I was in the area shopping, I’d stick my head in the door and ask about his well being or question him about something I heard going on in the village and ask what he knew about it.  And when Deb got sick the second time, I would stop in to ask how she was and during one of those times, he informed me that she wasn’t doing too well.. the cancer had spread to her bones.  I remember feeling as if the blood in my face had drained away.  I knew from when I worked in the hospital back in the 80′s, that this was not a good sign and that her days were numbered.  I felt heartsick over this, mostly cause I knew there was nothing I could do to ‘fix it.’  We Mommas, if were good at anything it’s fixing what’s been broken whether with a hug or a smile or in saying with faith and conviction..”this too shall come to pass.”  But there was no way to mend this… to make this impending tragedy go away.

 

A couple months ago I had heard through a friend that Josh had moved from California back home with his parents.  Six houses up the road and I could not make myself go visit.  Why?  What was I afraid of?  I thought of buying those beautiful burnt orange colored mums I had seen displayed in the store to give to Deb as a gift but when I drove by her house, I saw that her side walk was lined with flowers of all kinds to the point of overflowing.  I felt the last thing she needed was another plant…. silly me… what was I thinking!  And every time I would drive past their house, I would berate myself for not taking the time to walk over there & say “hi”.  I wanted to, I felt the need to – but I never followed through.

 

Word came on the evening of November 9th that Deb has passed away peacefully at home with her loved ones around her and the funeral would be held on Saturday at 1 p.m. at the middle school.  I got off work at 12 noon so I could go home & change before attending the service.  And what a gloriously beautiful experience it was.  I learned through her husband’s talk during the ceremony that Deb had orchestrated the entire event from the music that would be played right down to the food that would be served after the funeral.  This caused the room to explode with laughter cause those that knew Deb knew she was an organizer.  I felt such love in that room, the energy of such I have never experienced before.  She had touched  our lives in some way that was special to each of us and because of that, she would live on through us.  I am so happy that I was not able to talk myself out of going to this service for I would have truly missed the “love”.

 

When the preacher closed by saying a special prayer, two lines had formed… one to cross the hall to where the food was waiting and one to greet Deb’s sons – Josh and Jason – and her husband Rick.  I got in the latter line because I hadn’t made it in time before the service to share with them my heartfelt condolences.  I talked with Jason first, explained that I had never met him in person but knew so much about him through his Mom & I talking.  I also told him that his Mom & I met back when Josh worked at the grocery store.  Jason said he never knew Josh worked at the grocery store and we both laughed.  Then I moved on to Rick and hugged him tight. When I went to take a step back I noticed he held on a little longer and I intuitively knew that he was hanging on to all those who shared a piece of his wife and I hugged him a little harder.  Or maybe it was me who hesitated to let go, afraid to break that thread that bound us all together.   As I stepped forward, I looked over and up into Josh’s eyes – he’s so much taller than I – and he said to me….. “Hi beautiful!” as I walked into his arms.  He then said… “I wondered if I’d see you here today” and at that moment I had the answer to my earlier question …”would anybody really notice that I didn’t attend” and I’m glad I went and that I got to share in that energy of love.  Thank you Deb for the blessing of being a part of your life.

 

From Deb’s obituary –

 

Deborah A. Seyer, 62, of Middlefield, entered eternal rest on Monday evening, November 9th, 2009 at home
surrounded by family and friends after being a brave and valiant warrior in her battle with breast cancer.
‘Carpe Diem’

I wish to share with all of you the dream I had last seven years ago.  It was very strange in that I felt as if it were “real.”  Everything in the dream was sharp and in focus as if I was right there actually experiencing the drama.

 

Let me start by saying that the dream takes place on July 4^th, 2004. I know this because I was standing in the middle of a very thick forest and wondering to myself how they were going to put on a fireworks display with all these trees around.  When I couldn’t come to a conclusive answer, I started to really take a look at my surroundings and realized that I was in the time frame of a very long time ago when the land was untouched and not developed by mankind.  The water holes and trees were very ancient looking.

 

As I’m walking around, I heard a movement quite a ways behind me so I turned to look and saw this tremendously huge dragon making its way through the forest. This dragon was…I don’t know how to accurately describe him…he was calico colored. His scales were multi-colored that looked like sparkles and they formed designs on his large body of every imaginable color. This dragon suddenly spotted me and began to chase me. I didn’t get a sense as to his intent for chasing me, but I do remember feeling fear rush through me so I began to run from him, trying to find a place to hide from him.

 

I remember alternating between running through the forest and swimming across water holes that were not very wide but were very deep and were of an awesome blue in color. It felt as if I had been running for a very long time and I was getting exhausted and it seemed as if I was never going to get away from this calico dragon.

 

The next thing I’m aware of in this dream is that I’m inside of what seemed like a cabin, which was very tiny, and it had a small bed over in the corner and a small refrigerator.  I don’t know how I got there but I felt as if I was holding my breath so that the dragon wouldn’t find me.  There was this unseen entity there with me, a male energy and his name was Jeff. I kept talking to him, though I couldn’t see him.  I was sitting on the floor and looked in front of me and there was standing there a wombat. That’s what I called him, a wombat.  I’m not sure if there really is such a thing as a wombat or what a wombat might look like, but this creature looked like a very small furry pig but he purred like a kitten and would rub up against my legs and head butt me like a kitty would.

 

It felt as if I had been sitting in this tiny cabin for a very long time and I began to think to myself that perhaps the dragon was long gone from the area and had given up looking for me.  I felt anxious about leaving this place of safety but I didn’t want to stay there forever, so I climbed out the opening in the roof and when I jumped down and turned to look at where I had just been, I realized that this cabin had been down inside a dead tree stump. No wonder the dragon couldn’t find me!  Then I woke up.

 

I know there’s a lot of symbolism in this dream but the part that fascinates me the most is how real it looked and felt. My dreams usually have a hazy affect around them.  If any of you can pick up on what this dream may have meant, if anything…please pass it along. Thanks so much!

 

 

 

 

My beautiful Princess granddaughter – Denelle- loves to sing & dance.   It doesn’t matter where she’s at, when she hears a song she loves playing over the loud speakers, she’s transformed into her own world where nothing exists except the music.  She’ll stop whatever she’s doing & burst into song and usually a dance to accompany it…. totally oblivious to her surroundings.

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ஜ۩۞۩ஜ LIVE ₣R㊉M ŦħE ħEARŦ ஜ۩۞۩ஜ

There was a news article last week that stirred up a lot of confusion and questions concerning the new zodiac chart. It seems some scientist made a discovery that due to the wobble of our planet & the constant shifting of the poles, we may not really be the astrological sign we thought we were. This caused a massive wave of upset all around the world. My oldest daughter Jen sent me a text with questions about her Gemini status and made me laugh out loud as I explained that according to the new chart, she was considered a Taurus and she then stated… “That’s crazy! So now when I’m moody I’m not a Gemini, I’m a schizo?!?!” After I stopped laughing I said to her to stop listening to everyone else’s truth and go within to find her truth. If she feels like a Gemini, then that’s who she is! But this episode made me dwell deeper into my own thoughts too. How many times during the day do we adhere to what someone else is saying as the absolute truth instead of listening to our intuition?

Think about this now; don’t brush it away as the idle musings of another middle-ager! The news is filled with accredited professionals telling us their truth. Studies show that eating a diet of eggs and bacon along with real butter on their toast & cream for their coffee will cause us an early death. And yet, I grew up living around farmers who ate this for breakfast daily… went out to the fields to work all day… sat on their porches at night smoking a cigarette & slugging down a shot or two of whiskey and they lived well into their 90’s!

The “mind” is an extremely powerful organ. This is why the placebo works so well when the Dr tells us it’s a brand new powerful pill that will cure what ails us, even though in reality it’s made out of simple sugar! What we believe (what we are told) becomes our new truth. So how do we know that after years of being told by a scientific expert that eating a heavy breakfast laden with fat will cause us to die early isn’t what is really killing us? If you believe what you are being told, then your mind will convince your body “this is so” and respond accordingly.

You know when I decided to stop believing in everyone else’s theories? Back when I was 21 years old & listening to the television while I was preparing my first Thanksgiving Dinner and I heard a news report stating that it was just discovered that the stuffing inside of a turkey may cause cancer. I literally threw my hands up in the air & yelled “I GIVE UP!” cause at that moment I realized that breathing the very air around us could kill us too if they studied it long enough. But it was from that moment on that I began to look inside myself for the truth.

When I want to know what is right for me, I sit down & close my eyes; take several deep, slow breaths & quiet my mind. Then I place my focus in my heart area to see how I “feel” about what I just heard or read. If I feel upset or anxiety about it, then I know it isn’t a part of my truth. If I feel calm & happy about it, then I know it’s a part of my truth. Now this doesn’t mean that what someone else believes isn’t the truth. It is, but it’s THEIR truth & not necessarily mine. This doesn’t make me right & them wrong or vice-a-versa. It merely makes us individuals with our own set of beliefs. And that works for all of us.

Judy Garland once said “Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else” and I couldn’t agree with her more. I strongly encourage you to take back your power. To stop depending on someone else’s so called intelligence and follow your own inner wisdom. Trust your own ability to navigate life based on your own inner truth.

So hey there… what’s your sign?

I woke up yesterday morning feeling so light hearted & happy, I felt as if I was floating above the ground as I moved around my home getting ready for work. I usually do a lot of talking with God during my morning hours & yesterday wasn’t any different. I was still carrying the energy of the New Year of hope & excitement for 2011 and the thought crossed my mind that nothing was out of reach for me. I am on top of the world! Then I wondered if I was being slightly over zealous & setting myself up for an eventual let down so on way into the bathroom to take a shower, I silently pleaded for God to “send me a sign” that I’m on the right track. Then promptly forgot about it.

 

In the bathroom I turned on the radio listening to some of my favorite songs of long ago & found myself singing along to the upbeat words pouring from the speakers. A little difficult to do while brushing my teeth but it only made me laugh out loud. Soon I finished showering & dressing and styling my hair for the day & headed back to the kitchen to pack myself something for dinner & as I stepped onto the linoleum, I found myself looking out my kitchen window and realized there was a smiley face looking back at me! I literally stopped dead in my tracks and busted out laughing… there was my sign! And I continued on to have one of the best days at work.

 

On the back cover of one of my favorite books – “Conversation With God” Book 1, By Neale Donald Walsch – it states:

 

So go ahead now. Ask Me anything. Anything. I will contrive to bring you the answer. The whole universe will I use to do this. So be on the lookout. This book is far from My only tool. You may ask a question, then put this book down. But watch. Listen. The words to the next song you hear. The information in the next article you read. The story line of the next movie you watch. The chance utterance of the next person you meet. Or the whisper of the next river, the next ocean, the next breeze that caresses your ear—all these devices are Mine; all these avenues are open to Me. I will speak to you if you will listen. I will come to you if you will invite Me. I will show you then that I have always been there. All ways.

 

and so I do; I continually am on the lookout for signs from God and do not limit myself in how they may come to me. As an example, when I first started coming out of my sleep this morning & I was snuggled down into my warm blanket, a thought gently whispered in the back of my mind that it’s a new moon today and the new moon’s energy is to bring us what we send out in intentions while the full moon energy is to take away what is no longer for our good.

Then an old song began playing loudly in my head – ‘Bust A Move’ by Young Mc.  the lines in that song that were blaring out loud & clear were… “If you want it, baby you’ve got it; If you want it, baby you’ve got it; Just bust a move!”

I do believe the Universe was sending me a message this morning.  And I was paying attention! ♥

  

New Year Resolutions

Every year, millions of people worldwide sit down right after Christmas to ponder on how they would like their new year to be. It’s a great time to remember your life up to now, sift through what you would have done differently – or sometimes not at all – and to dream about how this year might unfold for you. This may include creating a list of what is commonly known as “New Year Resolutions” – a list of changes you would like to see come about in the new year.

Most seem to focus on the bad habits or old programs they would like to have eliminated from their everyday lives. Those who smoke – would like to quit. Those who gained weight – would like to lose the extra pounds. There are some who spend money & have gotten into debt – this might be the year they tighten their belts & save a little instead of spending.

However, there are sometimes the feelings of stress & anxiety when making these resolutions especially if we end up breaking them early on in the year. Not only did we not succeed at eradicating the unwanted nasty habit from our lives but we added “a sense of failure” to it as well. Not a very uplifting feeling to carry with us through this New Year. This year I decided to try something different concerning my hoped for self changes.

I was surfing through the internet all this past week in search of inspiration for myself with regards to 2011 and came upon some interesting articles and wonderful quotes. As I’m reading these different words of wisdom, an idea began to form in my mind & I felt the need to run with it. First I read – “The new Golden Rule is to treat yourself as you would treat others.” You may be shaking your head in confusion about this. Maybe even thinking that I’m committing blasphemy! But give me a minute to explain my reasoning. If you’re like me, I always treat others much better than I treat myself. In fact, I shower so much love on people and yet I am so hard on myself. My self talk is harsh; I don’t forgive myself easily; I expect perfection from me continuously and am angry when I feel I’ve failed. Does this sound familiar?

What if, as a part of my program for morphing into someone better, my attitude towards myself was a kinder, gentler one? What if the generous love & support that I readily give to others I would now give to me? What if I genuinely felt I was deserving & worthy of goodness…what might my new year hold in store for me? Which led me to the next piece of info I accidentally came across…“As the saying goes, to love and be loved is one of life’s greatest treasures. It feels so good to be able to cherish someone and do selfless acts for them. But how can a person love another when they do not know how to love themselves? Also, how can you expect to really help others if you have spent so much time on others that you have not kept things in order in your own life? Before you can seriously love someone else by affecting them positively, you have to do what it takes to put yourself in a position to emotionally, financially, and spiritually help others.” These words struck a chord within that made me sit up & take notice. What I was reading was that I can’t possibly be in a solid, stable position to reach out to help others in need if I’m feeling totally drained. I need to love self first before being able to love others.

Which brings me full circle back to my New Year Resolutions for 2011. They’re going to be somewhat different than what the average person writes up for themselves. These will be do-able and if I somehow slip up in the middle of the year – I promise to love & forgive myself.

My Resolutions for 2011

1. Hang up a large poster board and when I come across something that makes me happy – I will cut it out & paste it on this board. I am calling it a “Dream Board” and will fill it with items that make my heart swell with joy.

2. I will become mentally aware of when I verbally beat myself up over simply being human and stop the self berating nasty talk to self & replace it with loving statements instead.

3. I will go for bike rides more often and long, leisurely walks not because I want to lose weight but because these are activities I truly enjoy doing & make me happy when I do them.

4. I will learn to say “no” firmly yet kindly when invited to attend an event with friends and/or family when I’m really feeling exhausted & would prefer staying home to relax – without feeling a sense of guilt for not participating. It’s okay if I don’t fill every night of the week after work with doing something with others. Thankfully there will be a year’s worth of endless invites that I can go to when I’m feeling vibrant and energized.

5. I will lie outside in my backyard on my comfy lawn chair more often during the summer to read a good book or listen to some of my meditation music cd’s or stare mindlessly at the blue sky while listening to the birds sing because I really love to do this & it feels good when I’m outdoors connecting with Mother Earth and all her magical beauty.

6. I will not allow others to belittle me in order to make themselves feel superior. I will nicely but firmly tell them to stop. Usually I worry if I speak up that I will hurt their feelings while putting aside my own feelings of pain.

7. I will spend more time focusing on all the good I have in my life instead of spazzing out when something doesn’t go right. I should know by now that whenever something does go wrong it’s always a temporary situation that gets resolved in the end. Whatever is the “drama of the moment” is not worth me spending my time & energy in stressing and worrying. Instead I will think of all the blessings I have in my life everyday from minor to major and fill my heart up with the joy of these often taken for granted gifts.

8. I will love myself by filling my own cup up with the joys & wonders of life thereby re-energizing my heart & soul. I will take more vacations. I will not save a bottle of wine for a special occasion because every day is a day to celebrate. Why? Because I deserve it!

So I’m in a deep funk of ‘the blues’ & angry as hell…. and then feeling guilty for feeling so angry & depressed.  I sat on my bathroom floor this morning just crying my eyes out.  Why? Because I am such a giver.  I give to everyone. I give because I strongly believe that we are all God’s children & we need to help one another out.  Life is too difficult & painful to go it alone.

And I give without expecting anything in return because it gives me joy to be able to help lift someone else’s burden.  Even if all I do is to sit quietly & listen & then give them a hug.  Sometimes that human contact – that skin to skin feeling – is so necessary for survival.  I imagine that this is how God would want us to treat one another… the energy of light & love in motion.

But then, there are times like now when I am down & out on my luck and it would be a welcome blessing to have someone reach out to me to help in my time of need.  But it seems that never happens.  It’s then that I get angry & frustrated & hurt.  And I’ve been talking in my head with God all day long.  I told Him that I’m tired of being alone; tired of dealing with feelings of abandonment.  Heart sick of feeling isolated & lonely.  I asked God why He doesn’t send people to me when I need the help?  I asked if I was unworthy?  And as I wiped off the last tear rolling down my cheek

I asked . . . “Don’t You love me?”

And then this afternoon something happened that made me catch my breath & hold it.  Something totally unexpected.  One of the customers pumping gas came over to me because he noticed my car wasn’t at work. I told him I had so much snow in my driveway that I was unable to get in or out of it so I had caught a ride to work.  That the regular man who generously plows my driveway wasn’t able to at the moment because his plow was broken. That everyone else who advertises “Will do snow plowing” told me that Middlefield is too far for them to drive to.  He then asked me if I needed a ride home later.  I told him that yes, as a matter of fact, I did need a ride.  He asked me what time & I told him 5:30 & he said okay… see you when you get done.   Then he turned to run towards his truck but slid to a stop & turned around & pointed his finger at me and said….

“By the way… God does love you!”

then turned to finish running to his truck while big fat snowflakes slowly fell around us like God’s snowglobe.  I felt both frightened & awed at the same time by this experience.  Scared because hey… God CAN hear my thoughts!  And so lovingly awed because hey… God DOES hear my thoughts. ♥

“Dear George,

Remember no man is a failure who has friends.
Thanks for the wings!

Love,

Clarence”

–Quote from the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life”

Technorati Tags: Christmas, Friendship, Love

It was such a beautiful fall day… brilliant blue skies, not a cloud to be seen and temps in the mid 60’s… that a friend of mine & I decided to meet & go for a long, slow walk. It was such a lovely time getting caught up in each other’s lives that before we knew it, an hour had gone by and we were back at her house. We said our goodbyes with promises of future walks together on the good days left & went our separate ways.

I arrived home moments later ravenous not only from walking but from not taking the time to eat all day so I put a plate of leftovers in the microwave & opened the fridge to grab something to drink with my dinner. As I glanced around the almost empty shelves my eyes lit upon a small pint of Dean’s Holiday Chug – eggnog flavor. I had been slowly sipping on it for the last 2 weeks so as to not absorb all those empty calories in one sitting & there was about ½ cup left. “Perfect companion to my evening meal,” I thought.

So I whisked the bottle off the shelf just as the microwave was signaling my supper was done reheating and tried to flip the large white cap off of it. It would not budge. I grabbed the bottle with both hands & used my thumbs to try to pry it open but again, to no avail. “This is CRAZY” I said to myself… “I know I’m 51 and not as strong as I use to be but come on!!!” I walked over to the kitchen counter to pick up the dish towel to try to use as leverage to get this stubborn cap loose & failed. I set the bottle on the table and slumped into the chair and my eyes welled with despair as I surrendered to the idea that this is the point I’ve arrived at in my life. I live alone & I’m aging and there’s no one to help me get the caps off the jars in my old age.

I sniffled for awhile, shoulders sagging in total defeat & then my tears began to dry up and my vision became clearer. I switched my focus from inside my miserable head with future visions of calling 911 to help get the cap off my mayonnaise jar back to the present moment & the challenge of my eggnog nemesis. Slowly a thought began to form in the depth of my foggy brain & I squinted my eyes to bring the cap into sharper view… it was then that I realized it was a twist off and not a pull off! Emergency averted I twisted off the top & sat down to a hot meal with a delicious drink to wash it down with.

My grandson Michael ( 10 ) lives in Virginia Beach so I seldom get to see him but every summer he spends about a month up here in Ohio. When my granddaughter Denelle was born (Michael’s cousin), there was an instant bond between them… I swear, the best of friends & the worst of enemies – you should hear them bicker!!!

Here are some pictures of when Michael got here in Ohio in June and he & Nelle saw each other for the first time since Christmas. They missed each other soooo bad. This actually brought tears to my eyes.