Once upon a time in my long ago, I use to live with a delightful character named Ted who was full of joy & laughter, mirth and adventure. We loved to fish, spending time by the water & it didn’t matter if we caught anything or not. It was relaxing. Peace-filled. Although sometimes we could hear a very loud & profound splash somewhere off in the distance and our eyes would widen in excitement imagining one of us catching the granddaddy of them all!

On one such lovely outing, we decided to drive from Middlefield out to Pymatuning Lake in Pennsylvania to rent a boat for all day fishing. Taking Route 322 straight out was the easiest way to travel, no way to get lost although it seems to go on forever and ever with very little to look at except open fields lining both sides of the road.

We hadn’t gotten much past Orwell and were getting pretty close to the PA/Ohio border when we spotted something way up ahead on our side of the road.  We started to slow down, not having a clue as to what it was but not wanting to damage the car if it was a large piece of trash and not wanting to harm something if it was a critter. 

As we got closer to the object, we began to realize it was a turtle that was just sitting there in the middle of our side of the road.  We slowed down even more and pulled off the right side of the road.  Thankfully there was no traffic in sight so the little fella wouldn’t accidentally get hit by any vehicles.  However, my companion decided he was going to help the turtle to cross the road & jumped out of the car to run towards it. As he approached the turtle, it began to snap at Ted and wouldn’t let him near it.  He tried several times to reach down to pick up the turtle from different angels but no matter how he approached it, it turned it’s head to snap at him!

Ted ran back to the car to grab his army jacket out of the backseat, his idea to throw the jacket over the turtle and then pick it up (jacket & all) to deliver it safely to the other side of the road.  This trick seemed to have worked and without further problems, the task was accomplished with no injury to the do-gooder.

Feeling elated at having successfully rescued an animal that could have easily come into harm’s way, Ted ran back to the car, threw his jacket in the backseat & got in to continue on our way to Pymatuning.  Smiling from ear to ear, he put the gear shift into drive and slowly began to accelerate back out onto the road.  It was at that time that I turned to him and asked… “How do you know the turtle was heading in that direction?”  He looked at me, a little stunned by my question given the struggle he just went through and then we both busted out laughing!      

“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time-just like it does for you and me.”

-Sara Paddison

The other day while I was working Customer Service, I decided to put the returns back where they belonged during a lull in business.  I walked down one of the aisles with my arms full of products when I reached my first destination. I needed to reach up to the top shelf to put back 3 large bags of Archway Oatmeal Cookies so I stood on my tippy toes so I could reach the right place for the product.  As I stretched my body up, I heard a woman’s voice behind me say… “My oh my, you’re getting quite chunky now.”  I recognized the voice as that of one of the elderly lady customers I’ve been waiting on for years and I could hear her husband chime in… “I don’t think she heard you” while she replied… “Oh she heard me alright, I think she’s just ignoring me!” 

I did not make eye contact with her, nor did I acknowledge what she said in any way but kept my eyes forward, pretending to be focusing on the cookies in front of me, while they moved on down the aisle past me, but my mind chatter instantly took off.  At first my reaction was ANGER!   ‘How rude is that!,’ I thought.  ‘Why would she say such a mean thing to me???  Where are her manners?!?!’ I continued, simmering inside.  I know I had gained weight over the years but I’ve worked hard at losing it and successfully lost 30 pounds since October. I planned on continueing to work harder to loose the remaining weight too!  Who does she think she is???

Then as my anger subsided it quickly became replaced by sadness & self doubt.  Maybe I’ve been lying to myself all these months, thinking I was looking better and feeling much better too.  Maybe she was doing me a huge favor by snapping me out of my fantasy with this reality check so I could actually do something about being overweight!  Perhaps she was only telling me like it is.

As my sadness & self doubt began to ebb away, I suddenly realized that what just took place had absolutely nothing to do with me at all. That it was her own sense of low self worth that caused her to lash out, albeit in a hurtful way.  What had just happened were her issues and not mine and it wasn’t my job to try to figure out what bug she had up her ass! *ahem* I mean… what issues she had that would cause her to say those words to me.

And so on my way back up to Customer Service, I began to use Ho’oponopono ….. I’m sorry…. Please forgive me…. Thank you…. I love you.  I have no idea what part I played in that whole scenario but it isn’t mine to figure out the what’s & why’s. I just needed to clean on it. 

‎”Treading along in this dreamlike, illusory realm,

without looking for the traces I may have left; A

cuckoo’s song beckons me to return home;

hearing this, I tilt my head to see who has told

me

to turn back; but do not ask me where I am

going, as I travel in this limitless world, where

every step I take is my home.”

-Eihei Dogen 

Divine Spirit, I ask that you make your presence known here and now, for those who are very frightened and don’t know what to do or how to handle things. Please infuse their being with your light, surround them with your love, that they may be lifted and carried by your grace. Whisper into their thinking the inspirations that will help them through whatever they are dealing with at this moment. Help them to be clear and calm.

Embolden their heart with the courage to stay present and connected, and help them to know that in that presence lies their healing. I ask you to guide them – and everyone involved in this situation – every step of the way. Lift their spirit to a higher vibration that they might grow from this experience and become their greatest potential.  Let there be a miracle and help them to be open and willing to having a miracle occur. Let the healer within them rise and take charge. I thank you in advance as I know it is already so.

And so it is.  Amen.

Outside St Mary’s Vigil

Inside St Mary’s Vigil

Riverside School

Red Platoon

Olmstead Falls School

Newton Falls School

Newbury School

Mayfield School

Ledgemont School

Kirtland School

Kenston School

Chalker School

Chagrin Falls School

Cardinal School

Berkshire School

Auburn Career Center

Columbine High School

From the book “Dying To Be Me” by Anita Moorjani, Page 68-70.

         “My heightened awareness in that expanded realm was indescribable, despite my best efforts to explain it. The clarity was amazing.

         The universe makes sense! I realized. I finally understand—I know why I have cancer! I was too caught up in the wonder of that moment to dwell on the cause, although I’d soon examine it more closely. I also seemed to comprehend why I’d come into this life in the first place—I knew my true purpose.

         Why do I suddenly understand all this? I wanted to know. Who’s giving me this information? Is it God? Krishna? Buddha? Jesus? And then I was overwhelmed by the realization that God isn’t a being, but a state of being . . . and I was now that state of being!

         I saw my life intricately woven into everything I’d known so far. My experience was like a single thread woven through the huge and complexly colorful images of an infinite tapestry. All the other threads and colors represented my relationships, including every life I’d touched. There were threads representing my mother, my father, my brother, my husband, and every other person who’d ever come into my life, whether they related to me in a positive or negative way.

         Oh my, there’s even a thread for Billy, who bullied me as a child!

         Every single encounter was woven together to create the fabric that was the sum of my life up to this point. I may have been only one thread, yet I was integral to the overall finished picture.

         Seeing this, I understood that I owed it to myself, to everyone I met, and to life itself… to always be an expression of my own unique essence. Trying to be anything or anyone else didn’t make me better—it just deprived me of my true self! It kept others from experiencing me for who I am, and it deprived me of interacting authentically with them. Being inauthentic also deprives the universe of who I came here to be and what I came here to express.  

         In that state of clarity, I also realized that I’m not who I’d always thought I was:  Here I am without my body, race, culture, religion or beliefs . . . yet I continue to exist! Then what am I? Who am I? I certainly don’t feel reduced or smaller in any way. On the contrary, I haven’t ever been this huge, this powerful or this all-encompassing. Wow, I’ve never, ever felt this way!

         There I was, without my body or any of my physical traits, yet my pure essence continued to exist, and it was not a reduced element of my whole self. In fact, it felt far greater and more intense and expansive than my physical being—magnificent, in fact. I felt eternal, as if I’d always existed and always would without beginning or end. I was filled with the knowledge that I was simply magnificent!

         How have I never noticed this about myself before? I wondered.

         As I looked at the great tapestry that was the accumulation of my life up to that point, I was able to identify exactly what had brought me to where I was today.

         Just look at my life path! Why, oh why, have I always been so harsh with myself? Why was I always beating myself up? Why was I always forsaking myself? Why did I never stand up for myself and show the world the beauty of my own soul?

         Why was I always suppressing my own intelligence and creativity to please others? I betrayed myself every time I said yes when I meant no! Why have I violated myself by always needing to seek approval from others just to be myself? Why haven’t I followed my own beautiful heart and spoken my own truth?

         Why don’t we realize this when we’re in our physical bodies? How come I never knew that we’re not supposed to be so tough on ourselves?

         I still felt myself completely enveloped in a sea of unconditional love and acceptance. I was able to look at myself with fresh eyes, and I saw that I was a beautiful being of the Universe. I understood that just the fact that I existed made me worthy of this tender regard rather than judgment. I didn’t need to do anything specific; I deserved to be loved simply because I existed, nothing more and nothing less.

         This was a rather surprising realization for me, because I’d always thought I needed to work at being lovable. I believed that I somehow had to be deserving and worthy of being cared for, so it was incredible to realize this wasn’t the case. I’m loved unconditionally, for no other reason than simply because I exist.

         I was transformed in unimaginable clarity as I realized that this expanded, magnificent essence was really me. It was the truth of my being. The understanding was so clear: I was looki8ng into a new paradigm of self, becoming the crystalline light of my own awareness. Nothing interfered with the flow, glory, and amazing beauty of what was taking place.

         I became aware that we’re all connected. This was not only every person and living creature, but the interwoven unification felt as though it were expanding outward to include everything in the universe—every human, animal, plant, insect, mountain, sea, inanimate object, and the cosmos. I realized that the entire universe is alive and infused with the consciousness, encompassing all of life and nature. Everything belongs to an infinite Whole. I was intricately, inseparably enmeshed with all of life. We’re all facets of that unity—we’re all One, and each of us has an effect on the collective Whole.

         I knew that Danny’s [the author’s husband] life and purpose were inextricably linked to mine, and that if I died, he’d follow me soon after. But I understood that even if this were to happen, everything would still be perfect in the bigger picture.

         I also understood that the cancer was not some punishment for anything I’d done wrong, nor was I experiencing negative karma as a result of any of my actions, as I’d previously believed. It was as though every moment held infinite possibilities, and where I was at that point in time was a culmination of every decision, every choice, and every thought of my entire life. My many fears and my great power had manifested as this disease.”